Unfortunately my grandmother passed away last Friday after 82 years. She was the rock of our family and the reason why I have my middle name, Jennings. I know that she's at peace and finally pain free but not having her here anymore is heart breaking. I miss her dearly and it's hard to imagine her not in my life. I heard news from my mom on Thursday morning that grandma wasn't doing well and that it was time for me to come home. I immediately found someone to cover my class. I rushed home and threw things in a bag and ran out the door. All I I could think about was how I had to get there to tell her I love her once more. I rushed as fast as I could and when I walked into her room she was lying there with an oxygen mask on and an "I'm tired" look on her face. I stopped and turned and walked out of the door. While I thought I was ready to see her it was hard to face her because I knew this was the end. My sister said that she wanted to see me and so I pulled it together and went it. I sat by her side and we got to talk and I got to tell her that I loved her (I think I said it 100 times). She kept telling me how proud of me she was and how much my kids at school loved me.
Quickly there after things started to happen fast. She was in so much pain that our #1 goal was to keep her comfortable. We decided to call in Hospice to take over. Thursday day and night came and I said my goodbye and my I love you's before I went home. The next morning Hilary and I went back to the hospital and there she was again holding on (She always was stubborn:). We spent the day at the hospital with all of our family crying and laughing and telling all the stories under the sun. Before we new it most of the day was gone. We were laughing and carrying on so much when we paused for a moment we looked at grandma and realized she was taking her last breath. We stood around her holding her hands and telling her that we loved her and that it was time for her to go home. It was silent. You could have heard a pin drop in that room. It was the quietest we've all been since it all started. She was at peace. She wasn't crying, or screaming from the pain, or telling us not to leave her alone. She was finally free of all the pain she had been suffering from for so long. It was a bittersweet moment. We all stood there and said "How do you say goodbye". My uncle said "You don't, it's an I'll see you later".
When we were younger my sister and I would spend New Years with her and we'd have burping contests with Sparkling Cider and eat cookie dough together. She was a champion burper:) She could finish a word search faster than anybody I know. She always got the T.V. Guide from the newspaper and highlighted her favorite Soap Operas so she wouldn't miss them (even though we showed her how to use the guide on the TV... she was persistent in using the newspaper version) She was so organized that she had rubber bands around her wrists at all times just in case something needed to be held together. She was our rubber band to our family. She held us all together and always made us remember where we came from... a lovely family. I catch myself laughing one moment at the memories that we've shared and the next moment I'm sobbing because I miss her. I know that only time will heal the heart...
Grandma I love you with all my heart and I know you're safe and sound and happy to be with Grandaddy once again. I carry you with me everyday and know that you're watching over me. I miss you dearly and know that one day we will be together again burping and eating cookie dough just like when we were little.... As you always tell us, "I love you a bushel and a peck and hug around the neck"... <3
I feel like I must post a little about my lack of good eating habits...here goes it...
Needless to say my diet and exercise really hasn't been my top priority. I did work out but not to the extent that I would have liked. I did use the "this one's for grandma" more than I probably should have but honestly I don't care... I truly enjoyed the time I shared with my family and if that means I ate stuff I shouldn't have, I'm ok with that...
With that said... here I am again trying to get back on the horse after falling off. I will say that in 11 days (yes I'm counting) Mike and I move in together and I can't wait. It's like the light at the end of this, what seems to be, endless dark tunnel. I've ordered p90x and we are ready to start it together! It's always nice having someone along for the journey and having it be Mike gets me very excited. I want to be healthy, attractive, and most of all I want to feel good and having Mike along side me to help motivate and just to have someone go along for the ride with me sounds wonderful.
Tomorrow is my first day back at work in quite a few days... while I'm excited to see my teammates (who have kept me afloat recently) and my kiddos, I'm also dreading the fast pace life that comes with working (ha!). On a positive note being at work also gives me the normal routine I have missed recently. My lunch is packed and I'm ready to get back to it!
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